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Amanda Spiller
Amanda Spiller

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Published in Blue Insights

·Pinned

Grief Makes Us Feel and Do Weird Things

You are not alone — Grief is weird. It makes us feel and think and do weird things. It made Cheryl Strayed eat her Mom’s bones. It gave Joan Didion a Year of Magical Thinking. It made me buy plane tickets to places far, far away. There’s a poem on page 51 of my new…

Grief

3 min read

Grief Makes Us Feel and Do Weird Things
Grief Makes Us Feel and Do Weird Things
Grief

3 min read


Published in Ascent Publication

·Pinned

What PTSD Looks Like and How to Move Through It

It has flu-like symptoms and strikes at random. — PTSD is a remnant of my childhood trauma. It sticks around to remind me how much I’ve been through. It’s like an emotional flu, but instead of catching a virus, I catch a trigger that activates me and brings on a slew of symptoms. Triggers can come in many forms…

PTSD

5 min read

What My PTSD Looks Like and How I Move Through It
What My PTSD Looks Like and How I Move Through It
PTSD

5 min read


Published in My Grief Ages, Too

·Pinned

My Grief Ages With Me

Time heals all wounds. Except grief. I’m in my childhood kitchen. It’s a mess, to Mom’s dismay. Rejected pieces of frozen pizza dry out on the stove, dishes overflow from the sink onto indigo tiles. Junk coagulates in the grouted crevices of our countertops and coffee circles dot the scene…

Grief And Loss

6 min read

My Grief Ages With Me
My Grief Ages With Me
Grief And Loss

6 min read


Published in The Bold Italic

·Dec 9, 2021

How I Learned to Cycle With My Anxieties Through the Berkeley Hills

‘Something about symbiotic leg circles and forward momentum makes our truths spill out’ — Our lunch ride is a straight shot up the Berkeley Hills. I break an early sweat on the steep beginnings of Spruce to rise above the chaos of the city below, where thoughts are crisp as air. …

Anxiety

5 min read

How I Learned to Cycle With My Anxieties Through the Berkeley Hills
How I Learned to Cycle With My Anxieties Through the Berkeley Hills
Anxiety

5 min read


Aug 30, 2021

Amanda’s Top Stories

Grief

1 min read

Amanda’s Top Stories
Amanda’s Top Stories
Grief

1 min read


Published in Ascent Publication

·Aug 13, 2021

I Overcame My Late Mother’s Expectations to Become a Poet Instead of a Dentist

I got the best advice from my worst nightmare. — In between spoon-fed mouthfuls of red hospital Jello, my mom says what will become her dying words. “You’re gonna be a great dentist.” A senior in high school, I’d written many essays about my future in dentistry: how I’d start a practice called Sunny Smiles and travel to poor countries…

Grief

6 min read

I Overcame My Late Mother’s Expectations to Become a Poet Instead of a Dentist
I Overcame My Late Mother’s Expectations to Become a Poet Instead of a Dentist
Grief

6 min read


Published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

·Jun 29, 2021

Here’s Why You Can’t Go Back to Normal

You’re grieving from Covid-19 — I went to a work happy hour last Friday. The first in-person one for over a year. I arrive feeling fresh and ready: I’m a nerdy extrovert and work in communications. This is my scene. As carve my way through the crowd, I start twitching. So many faces without masks…

Life Lessons

4 min read

Here’s Why You Can’t Go Back to Normal
Here’s Why You Can’t Go Back to Normal
Life Lessons

4 min read


Published in An Injustice!

·May 9, 2021

The Covid-19 Vaccine Rollout Favors White People

The digital divide is one reason why certain communities don’t have access to the vaccine — On a Monday afternoon in late February, my best friend’s phone lit up on the coffee table of our Airbnb. We’d escaped to the foothills outside of Yosemite for a girls' week. In between work hours, glasses of freshly-squeezed orange juice, and Wim Hof breathing sessions, we discussed the trials…

Race

5 min read

The Covid-19 Vaccine Rollout Favors White People
The Covid-19 Vaccine Rollout Favors White People
Race

5 min read


Published in Paper Poetry

·May 9, 2021

Grieving For My Mom

Just in time for my 10th Motherless Mother’s Day — Haze I woke up with a haze in my head This happens after death When her body went limp there was one thing to do Kissed her head packed my bag and all the pictures, too I drove down 95 Left it all behind Drove her right into A tiny corner of my mind…

Grief

2 min read

Grieving For My Mom
Grieving For My Mom
Grief

2 min read


Published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

·May 6, 2021

Something Is Changing Within Me

I’m leaving the old me behind

Poetry

1 min read

Something Is Changing Within Me
Something Is Changing Within Me
Poetry

1 min read

Amanda Spiller

Amanda Spiller

142 Followers

Grief and healing | First book out 10/1

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